So Sumiko Tan is getting married! I think I owe her one since I always talk about her in class. In case you are wondering why she is a subject in my classes, it’s because teachers tell me that they use excerpts from her columns as comprehension texts for their students. And I always tell them that a 40 something woman in angst over her love life and her marital status has nothing to say to twelve year olds. My point simply is that students must share the writer’s background knowledge in order to understand the message well and Sumiko’s questions about love and life would be lost on pre-teens who don’t share her concerns.
But I am happy that she’s getting married. I have been following her life story in the newspapers since I don’t know when. But then again, so have other Singaporeans, so her life story is well-known. When my husband came into the bedroom and announced that the news of the day was Sumiko’s imminent marriage, I said to him straightaway, “I know that guy!” I don’t of course, but I had an idea who the lucky man could be from reading Sumiko’s columns. I sincerely wish her a life time’s happiness because everyone deserves a chance to be happy and to be married. In fact, I look forward to her column when it resumes in September; I bet it will be about the trials and tribulations of married life. And speaking of marriages, I was also wondering why ST journalists have a monopoly on romantic encounters. Wasn’t it not too long ago when Cheung Suk Wai (a marvellous writer) met the love of her life (a Nepalese man) while on a course overseas and married him?
So Friday 25 June started off well enough with me although the sky was over cast. I was however, home reading about Sumiko and Hurricane over breakfast. Almost an hour later, I was catching the last bit of the letters in the Forum page when I heard the distinct sound of water cascading behind me. I got up, puzzled, only to see water gently flowing down the stairs into the living room. Yup, it was a gentle but steady stream of water and already a pool was forming at the foot of the stairs. Some of you dear readers may know that I live on the 19th floor; so water coming down our stairs is not an everyday occurrence.
I ran up the stairs immediately, shouting for my husband. Water was already ankle-high in my office upstairs and before long, I found the source of the problem. One of my patios was flooded because the drains were blocked by leaves and other debris and the water had formed a pond there and then seeped into my apartment. To cut a long story short, my husband immediately cleared the debris while I ran around trying to stop the water from entering the bedrooms. No, there was no great damage done but there was some major cleaning to be done after that.
Later, we found out about the havoc the rain brought to other parts of the island. Well, ours seem a small matter in the end. I told my husband that I did not clear the debris over at my neighbour’s end last week when I was sweeping the place. Part of the problem was also created by a pile of cardboard left there by persons unknown and this contributed to blocking the drains. Whereupon my husband immediately said that we should clear the drains more frequently. And that is what I love most about my husband. He did not blame me or my neighbour for the problem. Instead he just focused on doing what needed to be done even if it meant doing our neighbour’s share of work as well. His reaction is not extraordinary; that’s the way he is. But his reaction helped put the situation in proper perspective and allowed me see beyond the pettiness and the stress of getting cross with others. Yes, I still had to spend time putting my house back in order, but I did it all with calmness and equanimity. We cleaned the house together, side by side, my husband and I. A mundane activity, undoubtedly, but it was a satisfying, even happy experience.
And isn’t that the stuff of marriage? After the initial passion, marriage is full of mundane moments and ho-hum chores. But so many of of these humdrum moments are made special by the way we experience them. People talk a lot about working at a marriage, and I guess a lot of work has to be done when the couple hits these humdrum times. And I think that’s the reason why we appreciate a man who can make us laugh and a man who knows how to appreciate the stuff women do at home which nobody even notices after it’s done.
A good marriage brings out the best in all of us; life’s load is shared and life’s joy, doubled. Sumiko had many fears about marriage. Who wouldn’t? But after a while, she may find that some of these fears are unfounded and some may grow out of proportion. Whatever her experiences, I look forward to reading about them.
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