Two weeks ago, I had to go to Tan Tock Seng Hospital for some tests since my recent mammogram showed some irregularities. I did not give this too much thought although it was yet another unwelcome piece of news that I had had that week. I turned up at the clinic armed with a book, a sweater and a water bottle and was prepared for a long wait. The clinic was full, and again, I was reminded that breast cancer can happen to any woman. Then the request came for me to do a second mammogram. After that, I had hoped for the best. So I was not eager to respond to the next request for an ultra sound. It was while lying on the bed with cold gel all over my chest that I started to ask myself if there was anything I could have done to avoid this situation. I must confess to getting nervous at that stage especially when the nurse had to call me back for a second ultra sound after I had changed back into my clothes. After some reflection, I realised that there was nothing more I could have done. I have faithfully gone for mammograms once every two years, exercised, minded my diet, and done enough I think without becoming paranoid. And there is no history of cancer in my family. Finally, to cut a long story short, I found out that while there was an increase in the calcifications, these were not cancerous.
After that incident, I got busy working on a seminar for my PSLE students. I wanted to make sure that my teachers have prepared the students well. But as I busied myself, I started thinking about the parallels between my experience at the hospital and preparing students for exams. The PSLE is around the corner, and I know that after that, we would often ask ourselves if we had done enough to prepare our students for it. Did I teach them that? Did I remember to revise that with them? Could I have taught that skill/item more efficiently so that they will get it right? It’s exactly like what I did, asking myself, if I did I enough to ensure that I won’t get breast cancer.
Well, I think there’s no point asking those questions because asking them means that we think we can cover all bases for the exams. Just like life, we can’t take care of every single thing in an exam. If we can predict everything, then we are either gods or the exams are a sham. In English especially, it is difficult to say how well a child will do. I, like many teachers, often fall into the trap of saying one can get an A* this way or that way but the truth is, a lot depends on the child, other children, the day, the test and a whole host of other factors. Language tests are also not objective, although this does not mean that they are always scored subjectively. A child who fails to get the A* he or she deserves can still go on in life and succeed. A child who scores A* and hates the subject will end his or her learning of the subject after the exam.
My son, Junior, is one example. He struggled with Chinese all through his school career. But not passing Chinese at PSLE and not offering Chinese as an exam subject in secondary school did not stop him from learning it. Now at 21, he travels to Taiwan often to meet his business associates and no one speaks English there. Junior has to speak Mandarin and also to learn some technical terms related to his products. I am only thankful that although he was weak in Mandarin at school, he did not leave school with a negative attitude towards it. He can still learn the language now. These days, he even speaks Mandarin in Singapore when he has to. Could I have done more to help him with Chinese? I don’t know. But I know I tried my best.
So if you are worried stiff now about the coming exams, don’t add to your stress by asking, Am I doing enough?, or after the exams, Did I do enough? Ask instead if you did all you can and if you did it with the right intention. You can only do that much; the rest is beyond you.
As for me, I am returning to my usual life style. I reckon I am doing enough and I should instead learn to enjoy my life more, instead of worrying about things I have no control over.
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