An exercise in decluttering

Recently, I cleaned out my kitchen cupboards. It’s my holiday ritual and this time I found, within my cutlery drawer, a heap of plastic spoons and forks and disposable chopsticks. Okay, I already knew they were there because every time I open the drawer, I had to sort through the plastic to get at the regular cutlery. This time, I decided to bundle them all up and put them in the recycling bin.

This cleaning spree got me thinking about the many things we hoard in our homes. I do spring cleaning and clearing out of cupboards at least once a quarter and I confess to being quite ruthless about throwing things out. Still, this does not stop me from ending up with absolutely useless stuff. I learnt the truth about this when I purchased two new chests of drawers to replace my 17 year old set. The old set had 3 cupboards with assorted drawers and was twice the length of my two new chests. You can imagine what I had to get rid of in order to fit everything into the new drawers. But it was an excellent exercise in decluttering.  

In the kitchen, I found bottles of expired spices when I cleaned out my pantry. I can go on but you get the drift. I am truly aghast by my behaviour although generally, I would consider myself a non-hoarder. I am especially upset at the food that I had to discard because they can no longer be consumed. But enough is enough. I have resolved to be even more ruthless in throwing stuff out and in purchasing food stuff especially when what is thrown out is stuff that should not have been purchased in the first place.

So, to reinforce my aspiration to be an eco-friendly aunty and to keep my home clutter free, I have come up with these tips.  If they are useful to you, great! 

1. Say no to the hawker uncle/aunty every time they put plastic cutlery/ disposable chopsticks with your takeaway.
2. Bring your own tingkat to the hawker centre to avoid collecting a mountain of plastic containers.
3.  Consider buying and using a set of reusable cutlery or foldable chopsticks if you have to take food away often for consumption at your desk.
4. Also say no to the bags of chillis/ soya sauce, if you don’t need them. Say no to dishes of chillis/soya sauce at the hawker stall too if you don’t need them. 
5. Ordering fast food? Ask for no sauce if you already have enough little bags of sauce at home from the last orders. Perhaps we should even petition fast food providers to include this option when taking orders.
6. Travelling? Resist the temptation to buy too much local food that you think you will eat/cook/give away. Chances are, you won’t and you’ll end up throwing a lot away.
7. Clean out your fridge regularly and get rid of food that has been around for a while.
8.  If you have to save pretty boxes, bottles etc, make sure you have a space for them and save only the best. Junk the rest.
9. Refuse plastic bags and shopping bags if your purchases are small and can be put into your handbag. You can’t do much with the itsy bitsy plastic bags (unless you use them to put cat/dog poo in) so they will end up as thrash.
10. Carry a foldable bag when you go out shopping and you won’t need to collect plastic bags.
11. Say no to freebies. They sound attractive and desirable when offered but they end up as junk. Who needs an extra balloon, file or plastic cup in the house? Also, be extra wary of conference bags and related promotional handouts.

Do these suggestions sound extreme? I don’t think so. The one thing I’m not doing enough of is remembering to take my tingkat to the hawker centre. But when it comes to refusing plastic bags and plastic cutlery, I’m almost number 1, although I still have department store people look at me strangely when I stuff whatever new apparel I’ve bought into my handbag without a plastic bag. If you plan to do this too, always remember to keep your receipt, in case you get stopped by the security guard.

And oh, once you have decluttered and feel a lot more righteous, resist the temptation to go shopping. You don’t need to buy more stuff. Er... well, maybe until the next big sale?

Writing Blues and Facebook

Since moving my newsletter to this blog, I must admit that I miss writing about my other lives. I know many readers have enjoyed that section of my newsletter and have told me that they often read that first, instead of the featured article that probably took me twice as long to write. Since starting this blog, I have had fewer things to say about my other lives; I am not sure why though. I did write about my holidays but beyond that, it seems that my everyday life is whizzing past too fast for me to record any deep thoughts. Where’s the mindfulness you’ll ask. But whatever it is, the truth is that I am suffering from some writing blues too.

I have been writing a piece on teaching the functions of language and it is still sitting there on my desktop mocking me. It’s saying things like, “Is this the best you can do?”, “Do you know what you’re talking about here or not?” and other similar confidence sapping comments. So in a desperate attempt to kill these voices, I concluded the piece with a quick summary but it just felt like I have committed murder and now have a corpse to deal with. Ah well, I’ll just have to stick it in deep freeze and let it hibernate a while. So in the meantime, I have nothing useful to offer you.

I must confess though that part of my time in the last 2 weeks have been taken up by excursions into Facebook. I have always been on FB but under a pseudonym and purely for family exchanges. But having my own name up there also means a lot more interactions with friends and people, and what’s the point of a presence on FB without any postings? In a way, I like FB too because it allows me to post short bits of stuff as and when I like. So does a blog, you will say, but FB gives one the instant gratification that a blog doesn’t. And like it or not, more people are on FB and they log on to it more frequently.

So I’ve taken to posting several things on FB. One is my School’s Cool posts in which I post photographs of cool teachers and cool things I see in schools. If you are not a teacher, you don’t get access to many places within a school. I am lucky enough to be able to do this and I get to read stuff posted on walls and in toilet cubicles and I also get to see little nooks and corners of each school. Our schools are beautiful and contain many delightful surprises. This picture -the girls’ toilet in one school – is so completely unexpected in its design.

The view and the plants all make the toilet a real treat to visit. True, there are ugly and bad things in our schools, but generally these are few and far between. There are scenes of ugly behaviour, yes, but the physical infrastructure is always quite admirable. Sometimes we don’t think much of what we have here, but I have seen (and smelt) toilets in my nieces’ schools in Malaysia. These dank and disgusting places didn’t exist when I was going to school there as a child, and mind you, as a primary school child, we had to be given a lesson was how to use a flush toilet because most of us didn’t have one at home. What happened to the standards of hygiene there over the years will remain a mystery to me.

Another post that I intend to do every now and then will be short video clips or podcasts related to education. I posted one in my last blog entry here because I didn’t want blog readers to miss that. Some of these are short enough for busy people, and they are a good way to keep up with what’s happening around us.

And yes, there will be the usual sound bites about this and that and particularly about activities, people, places and things I am involved with. I don’t intend to inundate you or my page with all sorts of blow by blow accounts of what’s happening in my life, so don’t worry.

Other than Facebook, I am still busy working on the P4 textbook and teaching classes. Working on the textbook is a learning experience, and has given me so much insight into our education system. But, hey, I love my job so I have no complaints. In my free time, I am still practising yoga, gardening and reading. Yes, the reading has been taking up many hours of my days especially since I am now hooked on Susan Hill. I began with her Simon Serrailler detective series and then went on to her other books. I enjoy the characters in the book and the fact that the excitement in the books do not come from various imaginative ways of dismembering bodies, a feature of some of the more popular thrillers. I’ve also read her Lady in Black which is a really chilly ghost story. In between, I am trying to catch up with the many good movies and concerts in town.

Right, enough of the ho hum details of my life. I hope to get my act together and get the article done this weekend. No, let me rephrase that - I will get my act together and get the article done this weekend.

Happy Lunar New Year!

Hello all! Wishing you a very happy and prosperous year of the rabbit! May it be full of good cheer and good health.

Ah yes, it’s the evening of the first day of the year of the rabbit and already the year has begun on an energetic note. I don’t remember feeling this tired before although I don’t think I’ve done a lot. As usual, we had the family reunion dinner on Sunday and then again last night. The second time was a smaller dinner with my mother-in law rather than one in KL with my siblings because I won’t be seeing them till tomorrow morning. We had this year’s hot dish-the pen cai- a deep dish of thirteen types of meat and seafood. For me, it’s okay, and doesn’t deserve the accolades that it has been receiving. I didn’t have my usual white cut chicken because of it, and somehow a festive dinner without the chicken dish isn’t quite a festive dinner.

The first day of Chinese New Year is often spent visiting relatives and close friends and this year is no different. We began at 9.15 am and got home at 3 pm after visiting 5 families. After that, it was a quiet dinner of Indian food (mutton briyani, naan, dhall and butter chicken) before packing up for tomorrow’s trip to KL. CNY in KL is often more rowdy. Perhaps it’s my 7 siblings and the presence of little ones; my youngest nephews are 4 and 5 years old and can be a whole lot of fun. We will have lunch first of course, and a lot of photo taking, and this year we will all be posing with rabbit ears and rabbit figurines. Visiting relatives is also on the schedule, and I will be visiting some old aunties and some younger cousins.

Every CNY we will sit down and recall the festivities of our youth, and regale the young ones with stories of our activities. This year will not be any different. Thank goodness there are younger innocent kids to impress since the jaded older ones would have heard these tales ad nauseam. But it’s a sure sign of old age when we delight in recalling the old days, and truthfully, we do miss them. But with another year, the past gets left further and further behind, and often, the memories of the good old days are not enough to restore those ties and affections which have been strained through petty arguments and assorted misunderstandings. But such is life. I try to be positive and optimistic. I see each year as another opportunity to start anew and another chance for everyone to make an effort to work at restoring and renewing family ties.

So on this first day of the lunar New Year, I wish you all whatever your heart desires and most of all, I wish you all happy times with your family. If you are one of those who feel estranged from your family for various reasons, give yourself and your family members a chance to start anew. Elbert Hubbard ( I don’t know who he is) said it well:

No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?

Theme for 2011

It was New Year’s Day; we had gone for a long morning walk along the Macpherson park connector all the way towards Kallang River and had stopped at Bendemeer Road. We then decided to take a taxi to Serangoon Road for some breakfast. During the short trip, my husband’s phone fell out of his pocket and was left behind in the back seat of the taxi. Although we did the necessary reporting, we lost all hope of finding it by the time we reached home. That was not a good start to 2011. But everything happens for a reason, and my husband philosophically said that the lesson for him is not to be so attached to material things. Still, like all good lessons, there was a sting to it.

Later, I tried to imagine what the person who took the phone was doing with it. He (could be a she of course, but for convenience, I’ll say he) must be thrilled because it is a fairly new top of the range IPhone with some neat apps including Angry Birds. My husband had devoted days to reaching level 4 of the game. The person must also be looking at his pictures since my husband took many pictures with a new photo app, and the many parties we had offered numerous photo opportunities. And the person must think that he has had a great start to 2011 since he made such a good find. Ah well, I thought, maybe he needed the phone more than my husband.

But the incident reminded me of the time a snatch thief on a motorbike drove by my trishaw in Hanoi, and took away my purse with my hand phone in it. After a small tug of war, the strap broke, and he calmly drove off while we looked on helplessly. There was nothing to be done but to head on to our destination and do the necessary calls to cancel the credit cards etc. My husband congratulated me for being so calm but what else could I do? Again, I thought of the man going through the things in my little travel purse, and then laughing at the photos in my phone and listening to my eclectic selection of songs. I did feel a sense of loss but I told myself then that he probably needed it more than I did. It was his lucky day. Still, Hanoi left a bad taste in my mouth although my faith was restored when a Vietnamese woman I met went out of her way to help me filed a police report.

But the New Year loss left me thinking about my attitude to things and to life. I was a bit upset initially at my husband’s carelessness. But then I reminded myself that my husband is rarely careless. It’s just one of life’s unfortunate and random incidents. But is the lesson really about attachment? If that’s the case, maybe he should not have a new phone after this but to reuse his old phone. And if our family belief is really people first, then money, and then things, an IPhone is but a thing and not that important in life’s big scheme. Even after such careful rationalising, the loss was upsetting.

I pondered over this for a long while because I have also been thinking about what my one-word theme for 2011 would be. For those of you curious about this, you can visit this website to find out more about New Year themes. I have always tried to live by these beliefs: to be mindful, to care, and to focus on the now. This loss is a reminder that I need to pay more attention to my beliefs. True, I was not the one to lose the phone, but the lesson is equally applicable to me. So, if I were to summarise my one word theme for 2011, it has to be mindful.

When I am mindful, I won’t be careless with things, people and with words and actions. When I am mindful, I won’t indulge in unnecessary eating, shopping, and am apt to be less idle. When I am mindful, I am better able to regulate my emotions, thus avoiding getting angry, upset or agitated over small things. Being mindful will also lead me to a calmer frame of mind, and being calm was one of the themes I contemplated selecting. Being mindful will also help me let go of stuff, of old grudges, of old relationships that have for a long time been going nowhere and of work that I no longer care for. Letting go was another possible theme for me in 2011 and in particular, I wanted to let go of friendships that have stopped growing. I have long been able to let go of material things although I also contemplated reducing as a theme in an effort to cut down on physical clutter and material things. I was able to chuck out a whole lot of papers and books just before Christmas in a spring cleaning attempt and that has been invigorating. I considered nurturing too as a theme although I see it as the natural outcome of letting go, especially of old grudges. I want to be able to nurture and cultivate better relationships in my life so giving was yet another option.

I found this exercise very helpful and when I finally settled for mindfulness, I did wonder if I was opting for the safe and familiar. Perhaps I should explore and wander into new paths for 2011. Whatever it is, a theme does not need to tie me down.

Looking back, 2010 has been a busy but good year. I’ve enjoyed the work, have travelled extensively (USA, France, Malaysia, China, the Philippines, and Indonesia) and have embarked on teaching beginning yoga and briefly, on leading my yoga group. I have been good about exercise, particularly yoga and have made some progress in my meditation. I haven’t gained excess weight, I have taken time out for friends and family and I’ve contributed my services to the community. At home, my husband and I continue to share our life together meaningfully. I feel a better connection with Junior and while there are many things I still ask of him (and mothers will have no end of things they ask of their kids) I feel I am at a better place with him than before. I did, on occasions, lose my cool, but by and large I was able to let go of bad feelings and focus on the positive.

Still, I wonder about 2011. It seems that I need to do more although at my age, I should contemplate conserving my energies. That’s something to mull over this year.

What about you? How was your year and what will 2011 be like for you? Take a little time and take stock of your life. Make a plan and a goal for 2011. But whatever it is, here’s wishing you a wonderful year ahead. It’s another chance to make a new start.

A Jakarta Jaunt

Last week, I went on a 3-day trip to Jakarta to officiate at the opening of the new Adam Khoo Learning Centre there.

I’ve been in and out of Jakarta before mostly on business so this is my first extended trip there and I was not disappointed. Immediately upon my arrival, I was whisked away to do a 2-hour interview which will be published in Kompas, the largest circulating newspaper in Indonesia. Being interviewed was a strange experience for me because it involved reviewing and recalling many personal aspects of my life, including memories of events that I have almost forgotten. The gentleman who interviewed me was very interested in my literacy work; apparently reading and writing are not taken seriously there.

I also conducted a workshop for teachers and visited some bookshops and an art gallery. The malls in Jakarta are huge and very impressive. Outside, the traffic crawled and horns blared loudly. Inside the malls, it was cool and full of lovely displays of expensive local and imported products. Indeed, Jakarta was full of pleasant surprises. The food was delicious, the service, friendly and the people I met were incredibly hospitable. I don’t think Singaporeans show the same level of hospitality that the Indonesians displayed; indeed, I would say we don’t understand what real hospitality means.

There are loads to shop for and the batik was especially lovely. Unfortunately, this was not a shopping trip for me so I will have to go back again. On the way to the airport, we stopped for a foot, leg, hand and back massage which went on for one and half hours and all for a princely sum of S$5.

I was glad to have made this trip. Although it was a short visit, it gave me some insight into the Indonesian way of life, and I came away with a deeper appreciation of the people and their culture. I know I am very glad to have made some new friends in Jakarta.

Mabuhay!

Miss Philippines and Miss Singapore at the parade of nations

I’ve just returned from a trip to Manila where I presented a plenary paper and conducted a workshop for teachers. That was not my first time there; indeed, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been there but this was probably the second time in Manila itself, and that means along Roxas Boulevard, the Orchard Road of Manila. The other times were outside Manila or in the suburbs.

I’ve known the folks at the Reading Association of Philippines (RAP) since my days in the Society for Reading and Literacy (SRL), and have kept up a friendship with them through my involvement in the regional literacy group, International Development in Asia or IDAC. IDAC is affiliated to the International Reading Association (IRA). The Philippines make many people nervous because of the many negative stories about terrorists and kidnappers. The truth is every country has its bad places. I remember the years when I lived in Oakland, California. Oakland was then known as the homicide capital of the US because of the number of drive-by shootings. But my family and I had a good stay there and never once met a bad guy, if you don’t count the homeless guys along Telegraph who only wanted a quarter for coffee.

Whenever I am in the Philippines, my friends there make me feel safe and I don’t do anything silly to endanger myself. It helps that everyone there thinks I am a Filipino. People don’t just come up and ask if I were a Filipino; they just speak to me straightaway in Tagalog. I am used to this having had the same experience in other parts of the world, even in Europe. My friend, Merlene, taught me a couple of Tagalog words to use as retorts like talaga, which means “really” or “is it?” which I toss out every now and then with the appropriate intonation.

The conference was held at Manila Hotel, which is the Raffles Hotel there. It’s historic and majestic with an old world charm. Filipinos are always warm and friendly and Filipino teachers show their appreciation by taking pictures with you. Filipinos are crazy about photo taking. So for the two days, I acted like a celebrity and was posing for photographs here and there. Some teachers also remembered me from my last visit there several years ago and that was gratifying although I had great difficulty responding to comments like, “Surely you remember me? I was the one who gave you the answer about comprehension.” Sometimes it takes me a while to recall a face; other times, I’m afraid this old brain has too many holes in it. Do forgive my lapses in memory.

Filipino teachers, as you all know, are not well paid but despite that, they participate actively in professional organisations. As part of the activities at the conference, I was able to help sponsor some literacy programmes as well as two teachers to become members of the International Reading Association. It made me think about how few Singaporean teachers find the need to join any professional organisation although they can well afford it and the subscription fees are low. Perhaps being an MOE teacher is already enough since MOE provides everything, but does this mean that professional organisations here like SRL and ASCD have no hope of ever growing a strong membership base among teachers? In a poor country like the Philippines, the Reading Association was able to celebrate their 40th anniversary and their past president, Sally Labanda has the distinction of being the first Asian board member at IRA.

We have such success at ASCD, and Dr Ang Wai Hoong and Miss Betsy Lim have been past board members at ASCD International. But we have a lot more support and resources than the Filipinos. Every time I am at an international event with them, I am constantly impressed with the way the Filipinos present themselves. You can’t mistake the sense of unity and fierce pride they have of their culture and country. Filipinos I meet often sigh with some envy and longing when they hear I am from Singapore; it’s the land of milk and honey for them. Sadly, when I am home, I hear nothing but grouses, whines and complaints.

At the opening of the conference, a group of adorable kids paraded in the costumes of the different nations. Miss Singapore, as you can see in the picture above, really looks the part. Check out the attitude. Miss Philippines also represented the country well. Check out the big smile and the costume.

Fill That Bucket

July and August have been good months. I have had many rich and happy moments and if I sound like I am trying to chalk up such experiences, you are right. Good times don’t come easily although I also believe that one must go looking for good times. And good times don’t mean shopping trips or anything involving money. I revel in my positive moments and I try to stretch them as much as I can.

Recently, this notion of a positive moment was confirmed in a book review by Gary Tomlinson. The book reviewed is How full is your bucket by Tom Rath and Donald Clifton. Don Clifton proposed the idea that our lives are shaped by the kind of interactions we have. He said we all have an invisible bucket which can be filled or emptied depending on what others do or say to us. When our bucket is full, we feel good. When it’s empty, we feel awful.

We also have a dipper with which we can fill our buckets or dip into others’ to empty or fill their buckets. By now, you should have gathered that if you constantly empty other people’s buckets by saying or doing negative things to them, you will cause them misery and suffering. Filling their buckets with good deeds and words though will give them joy and the more unexpected your act is, the better the recipient feels. So on a daily basis, we can either fill a bucket to make people feel good or we can dip into someone’s bucket and take away their joy. A very simple concept really, and as I read that I remember someone I’ve met who consciously fill other people’s buckets.

I don’t know if I’ve recounted this experience before but it merits retelling. My husband and I sometimes walk around Bedok Reservoir and some mornings we will meet this elderly uncle who is also walking around the reservoir. But what is amazing about him is his unfailing good humour. He shouts good morning to all and sundry and sometimes we can hear him well before we see him. He also tells everyone to take it easy and watch their step and he does this all with a big smile on his face. Few people remain unaffected by his bonhomie and many people respond positively. Imagine all the good cheer going around the reservoir and the park each morning when this uncle takes a walk.

One morning, I watched him approaching us from a distance. In between, a woman was sitting on a bench dressed more to be seen than to take a walk. She also had a less than friendly looking face. My husband would say that I should not pass judgements but you probably know what I mean. There are friendly approachable faces and there are those whom you’ll want to avoid. As the old uncle approached her, she lit a cigarette, completely unaware of him. I watched the old man and wondered if he would say good morning. He walked past her, looked at her warily, as if he was trying to make a decision. Then, as if he sensed that he would not get a good reception, he just turned and walked on without his customary greeting.

When I think back on this episode, I often wondered if the woman would have been unexpectedly and pleasantly surprised by the man’s greeting. It might have filled her bucket. But then again, I know that sometimes no wonder how giving you are, there are some moments when you probably should not give and if you do, you may get hurt. I have no doubt that some people groan when they see this old uncle approaching; sometimes, we just want to be our grumpy selves in the morning and the last thing we want is to meet Mr Happy-go-lucky. So not everyone appreciates his good naturedness and I am sure that it has backfired on him a few times. But that hasn’t stopped him and I guess the secret to his success is to fill buckets with no expectations at all.

But ultimately, making strangers feel good is a piece of cake compared to making those we love feel good. It seems that the people we love are the ones who try us the most. Be that as it may, working towards a positive home environment must be the number one priority in our lives. Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman is reported to have said that there are 20,000 individual moments in a waking day, and we always remember a positive or a negative moment but never a neutral one. This is something worth remembering as we go about our lives. We can create a positive or negative moment even as we put one foot in front of the other. John Gottman’s research on marriage suggests that a magic ratio of 5:1 in terms of the balance of positive to negative interactions is crucial for a successful marriage. This means 5 positive interactions to one negative interaction. Educators may take this same ratio and apply it to their daily interactions with pupils. Bosses and workers can use this same ratio in their working environment. We too, can use this ratio in our daily interactions with people.

How can we increase our magic ratio of positive to negative moments? The five strategies are well documented so I will just provide you with the link and you can read about them yourself here.

I think, without a doubt, we all love a positive moment. And I also believe that it’s not hard for us to create a positive moment for others. Indeed, the one positive moment we create for someone may be the one that ultimately makes the person’s bucket overflow with happiness. Or we can contribute one negative moment which ultimately breaks the camel’s back. Would we not rather be responsible for the former? So go ahead. Fill some buckets today.

PS: A week after writing this, I receive my usual Happiness project e-newsletter (www.happiness-project.com) and read a discussion on throwing away other people’s thrash to boost our self esteem. Well, I don’t need to boost my self esteem but I must confess that littering is something that makes me mad. Every morning when I walk along the park connector in my neighbourhood, I get really upset by the volumes of thrash left by party revellers, pious worshippers, liquor imbibers, fast food consumers and cigarette smokers. I must confess that the discussion made me think about picking up that thrash instead of complaining about it, but the truth is I will spend all morning working instead of walking, if I embark on this plan. So my resolution is to be more diligent about picking up the thrash around my own condo when I see it. Read the discussion for yourself here and see if it inspires you too.

A Saturday Stroll

Last Saturday morning, my husband and I took the train down to the Promenade Station and from there, made our way to the Helix Bridge and the floating platform. We could see the Youth Olympic Flame burning brightly and participants were taking part in a bicycle race then. We wandered through the Olympic Park and then across the Helix Bridge, pausing to admire the buildings and the view across the bay. From the Helix Bridge, we ambled past the grounds of the Marina Bay Sands, watching busy workers working at the remaining structures of that complex. Within the hotel, life was already stirring especially in the shopping mall, which was screaming out the names of well- known luxury brands. Outside, a wide deck leads one towards the waters of the bay where once again, the majestic buildings around the bay beckoned.

On we walked and we found ourselves in the Marina Bay Park where we stopped to admire the sculptural like tubes of the misting system designed to spray mists of water into the air to cool the park. That’s a good and necessary idea since the trees there are still young and there isn’t much shelter either. Then it was back along the road again as the rest of the bay front walk was cordoned off for some reason or other that Saturday. We stared up and into some of the fancy, glass enclosed condominium units and wondered about people who live in the middle of the financial district where everyone can look into their apartments. A frumpily dressed woman looked down at us while her active young child pressed his nose against the glass. We could also see stuff that people have tried to hide behind their curtains but are unfortunately completely visible to the outside world. We had some coffee and breakfast later in one of the many food courts in the financial district and then took the train back home after that. The Marina Bay Park is another place on our list of places to visit and to share with friends and visitors.

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I just got home from a play at the Arts House and while we were there, we had dinner at Boat Quay and took a stroll down the river side. Again, there was a nice buzz there although Boat Quay isn’t as happening as it used to be. When my husband first started Pacific Internet, their office was at Boat Quay and the first Internet café was also located there. Boat Quay was the hottest place in town then and all the beautiful people wanted to be seen there. That was more than a dozen years ago though. Nowadays, it’s full forlorn-looking restaurants and the street is lined with foreign waiters waving seafood menus at passers-by and promising them a good deal. From the other side of the river though, Boat Quay looks prettily lit up. We sat for a while on the benches outside Timbre, the restaurant, feeling the waves of heat rising from the concrete below our feet. If we had waited longer, there would have been free music and already a queue had formed, waiting to go in. I must confess we don’t often linger around after a play but this one ended early and we were so close to the river. I am glad we took that walk because I am reminded of how pleasant the river side can be despite the concrete.

A few days ago, my husband and I also acted as tour guides to my brother and sister in law who have never been to Geylang Serai market. After a good meal of nasi bryani, we showed them around the stalls and the market. My sister in law was so amazed at the range of goods sold that she swore to go back soon for a serious shopping trip. Then she shamefacedly confessed that she was a typical Singaporean who doesn’t visit other parts of Singapore much. Well, that’s a shame really and I was very glad to be able to show her another part of Singapore.

My fondness for Singapore is no secret. I think there are so many things I like about living here and being a part of the country. Sure, there are some not-so-good stuff but then there is no good without the bad. I like to count the good things. So on days when you aren’t too busy, take a walk around places you don’t go to very often. You’ll be amazed at what you’ll see. And you’ll see for yourself the beauty that is a part of our everyday life.

About Sumiko Tan and a Flood

So Sumiko Tan is getting married! I think I owe her one since I always talk about her in class. In case you are wondering why she is a subject in my classes, it’s because teachers tell me that they use excerpts from her columns as comprehension texts for their students. And I always tell them that a 40 something woman in angst over her love life and her marital status has nothing to say to twelve year olds. My point simply is that students must share the writer’s background knowledge in order to understand the message well and Sumiko’s questions about love and life would be lost on pre-teens who don’t share her concerns.

But I am happy that she’s getting married. I have been following her life story in the newspapers since I don’t know when. But then again, so have other Singaporeans, so her life story is well-known. When my husband came into the bedroom and announced that the news of the day was Sumiko’s imminent marriage, I said to him straightaway, “I know that guy!” I don’t of course, but I had an idea who the lucky man could be from reading Sumiko’s columns. I sincerely wish her a life time’s happiness because everyone deserves a chance to be happy and to be married. In fact, I look forward to her column when it resumes in September; I bet it will be about the trials and tribulations of married life. And speaking of marriages, I was also wondering why ST journalists have a monopoly on romantic encounters. Wasn’t it not too long ago when Cheung Suk Wai (a marvellous writer) met the love of her life (a Nepalese man) while on a course overseas and married him?

So Friday 25 June started off well enough with me although the sky was over cast. I was however, home reading about Sumiko and Hurricane over breakfast. Almost an hour later, I was catching the last bit of the letters in the Forum page when I heard the distinct sound of water cascading behind me. I got up, puzzled, only to see water gently flowing down the stairs into the living room. Yup, it was a gentle but steady stream of water and already a pool was forming at the foot of the stairs. Some of you dear readers may know that I live on the 19th floor; so water coming down our stairs is not an everyday occurrence.

I ran up the stairs immediately, shouting for my husband. Water was already ankle-high in my office upstairs and before long, I found the source of the problem. One of my patios was flooded because the drains were blocked by leaves and other debris and the water had formed a pond there and then seeped into my apartment. To cut a long story short, my husband immediately cleared the debris while I ran around trying to stop the water from entering the bedrooms. No, there was no great damage done but there was some major cleaning to be done after that.

Later, we found out about the havoc the rain brought to other parts of the island. Well, ours seem a small matter in the end. I told my husband that I did not clear the debris over at my neighbour’s end last week when I was sweeping the place. Part of the problem was also created by a pile of cardboard left there by persons unknown and this contributed to blocking the drains. Whereupon my husband immediately said that we should clear the drains more frequently. And that is what I love most about my husband. He did not blame me or my neighbour for the problem. Instead he just focused on doing what needed to be done even if it meant doing our neighbour’s share of work as well. His reaction is not extraordinary; that’s the way he is. But his reaction helped put the situation in proper perspective and allowed me see beyond the pettiness and the stress of getting cross with others. Yes, I still had to spend time putting my house back in order, but I did it all with calmness and equanimity. We cleaned the house together, side by side, my husband and I. A mundane activity, undoubtedly, but it was a satisfying, even happy experience.

And isn’t that the stuff of marriage? After the initial passion, marriage is full of mundane moments and ho-hum chores. But so many of of these humdrum moments are made special by the way we experience them. People talk a lot about working at a marriage, and I guess a lot of work has to be done when the couple hits these humdrum times. And I think that’s the reason why we appreciate a man who can make us laugh and a man who knows how to appreciate the stuff women do at home which nobody even notices after it’s done.

A good marriage brings out the best in all of us; life’s load is shared and life’s joy, doubled. Sumiko had many fears about marriage. Who wouldn’t? But after a while, she may find that some of these fears are unfounded and some may grow out of proportion. Whatever her experiences, I look forward to reading about them.

Holiday Happenings

It’s the middle of June again and I finally have a whole, uninterrupted week off from work. What a luxury! But even as I write this, it’s already Thursday and my week is almost up, sob!

I had no intention of travelling at all this week; like it or not, travelling can sometimes be stressful and June is too hot for any strenuous wandering round. Instead, I chose to stay home and do some house cleaning, gardening, reading, and thought about catching a movie or two. Well, it’s Thursday today and all I can say about my holiday is that I’ve done the following:

Cleaned up 2 store rooms
Cleaned up the linen cupboards
Cleaned up kitchen cupboards
Swept garden every day
Read several books
Watched Makansutra Raw four days in a row.
Made konyaku jelly and durian bread pudding (apart from dinner)
Had lunch with a friend at Raffles City
Began another on-line course

Wow, rereading the list makes me sound positively old and boring. That could be the real me but hey, one can’t be hip and happening all the time. But seriously, you can’t imagine how pleased I am with my two neat store rooms.

For entertainment, I always find reading satisfying but in the last few days, I have taken to watching Makansutra Raw each day after dinner. True, the series feature repeat programmes now, but Seetoh always makes me laugh. I like his unbridled enthusiasm for food and while his eating (or chomping on many occasions) can be a little unrefined, at least he doesn’t talk that much when his mouth is full, unlike many other food show hosts. He also speaks well in an authentic Singapore style and makes many interesting comments about the food and the food culture here without being pretentious. The other food show hosts I like are Nigella Lawson (she makes food and cooking seductive and has the best vocabulary; check out her adjectives!) and Anthony Bourdain (brash, loud but has many original observations about food and places).

I don’t really care about food that much although I enjoy cooking for friends and family. I am always a sucker for a good recipe and over the years, I have collected a ton of recipes. Just this week, I contemplated throwing out my recipe magazines but finally found a place for them in my store room so they get another reprieve until the next time. I know the Internet makes these recipes unnecessary but there is always that one recipe that looks interesting and that I hope to try one day and so into the file it goes. If you are interested in cooking, let me share my favourite sites with you. For any Western food, I always go to allrecipes.com. For local food, I like bakingmum.blogspot.com, and she has a list of other websites that are interesting too.

And did I mention my on-line course? Yes, doing a course in June sounds like self-inflicted punishment. I clearly need to review my options for fun. But since the evenings are now devoted to the World Cup (translation: husband is hogging the television every night), I too need to spend my evenings doing something challenging. But while I am not a football fan, I am always full of admiration for the game and the fans. Truly, the World Cup is one event that unites people all over the world, so I too feel the excitement of the game.

Tomorrow is Friday and I have the weekend too to really have some serious fun. I am thinking hard now about what I want to do. Hmmm… well, let me finish my book first. And in case you’re wondering what literary tome I am reading, it’s actually nothing cerebral. It’s J.R. Ward’s series on the Black Dagger Brotherhood. It’s hardcore vampires here and none of that simpering stuff that is in Twilight but the truth is such books are like fast food. One can only have that many meals before they begin to taste the same…. But in an emergency or if one is in serious need for fun, they will do. Enjoy your holidays!

In search of bouillabaisse…

After more than 28 years of marriage to a gourmet/gourmand, I have developed a well-trained palate and surviving on French food for more than a week has been no hardship. But for gourmets, France, especially the Provence region, is probably their idea of a food heaven. Food in Provence was indeed delightful; tasty, well-cooked and well-presented and wine was always cheap and drinkable. But I must say that coming home reminds me that nothing can rival our cuisine. Where else can one get a range of Chinese, Malay, North and South Indian, and Western food? Well, perhaps in California but still, food is available here almost 24 hours. I can have a week of meals from a range of cuisines without repeating a dish or menu and that certainly beats Provence hands-down.

So we did indulge a little in rich food for a week and even croissants tasted special. But my husband was determined to have some bouillabaisse. This dish of fish stew is famous in Marseille but is also available along the coast. The story of this dish is linked to Venus, who created it to serve it to her husband Vulcan, so that he would be lull into a deep sleep while she indulged in some hanky panky with Mars. Bouillabaisse is more than just a fish stew; it is made with a mixture of fish and seafood and it’s the inclusion of saffron, fennel seeds and orange zest that gives it its special flavour.

We had it in Nice many years ago and as expected, never found the equivalent in Paris or any other part of the world. So, this trip must include an obligatory trip to the best bouillabaisse restaurant along the coast. The search for the fish stew took us to Antibes and our guide book recommended De Bacon restaurant for the 120 euro dish. This restaurant is so famous that it did not need a signboard, and the directions simply told one to drive towards the Cape of Antibes and look out for this place. Well, I drove this time and we had a smooth drive to Antibes and with some directions from a local, found ourselves heading in the right direction to the Cape. The road got more and more narrow and before we knew it, we were driving next to the sea and voila, we were at Juan le Pins, the next town. Yup, we completely missed the restaurant. By then, it was well past lunch time so we just parked (French underground car parks are narrow, dark and quite trying) and ate at the nearest restaurant. The meal turned out to be another delight. I had the degustation meal ( a series of small tasting dishes) which included a Provence pie, some octopi, assorted marinated vegetables and a saffron infused seafood soup. My husband, still longing for the fish stew, had Soupe de Poisson, another version of fish soup which was not the real thing, but served to temporarily satisfy the palate. After this meal, we drove back to Aix-en-Provence where we were based. A light rain accompanied us all the way. No, we didn’t weep for the lost bouillabaisse because we were still determined to search for it while we were there.

Our last two days found us back in Vence. On the way, we went to St Paul, described as the prettiest village in France. Here we visited the Maeght Foundation to see a renowned collection of modern Mediterranean artwork. The South of France was, of course, the home to famous artists like Chagall (buried at St. Paul), Van Gogh and Picasso. St Paul is a pretty walled village on the hillside with many art galleries, restaurants and great views.


Our last attempt to find the elusive fish stew took us to Vence itself where we found a restaurant which declared the dish to be among its specialities. We also found another restaurant serving paella and perhaps it was our need for some rice that made us decide to have the bouillabaisse in one restaurant followed by paella in the next. So we did that, and was it outstanding? Sadly no. Of course we didn’t expect it to be like the one we had in Nice years ago, but this bouillabaisse disappointed with the lack of seafood and flavour. Still, it was edible for 22 euros.

The day we were supposed to return was filled with rumours about the volcanic ash from the volcano with the unpronounceable name in Iceland. Fifteen Spanish airports had closed by then, but our flight was cancelled due to a technical problem with the plane engines. So we were sent off to the swanky Radisson Blu along the Promenade des Anglais in Nice for a night. Dinner was provided by the airline but given the short time the hotel had, all they could rig up for us was a tomato and mozzarella salad to begin with and ravioli with tomato sauce as the main course. The passengers, who were predominantly Malaysian tourists and Filipino cruise ship workers on their way home via Dubai, almost staged a revolt in the dining room. A few four letter words were hurled around because the Asian passengers wanted rice or Asian food. As expected, the dishes were left uneaten and many left, hungry and angry. In retrospect, the hotel should have served spaghetti instead; the Asians would have taken better to that than ravioli. Well, the next day they served rice with roast chicken; not quite Loy Kee but enough to placate the Asian palate.

Thus ended our culinary adventures and upon reaching home, I found the fridge full of porridge that I had cooked for Junior who was recuperating from a minor operation and in Junior’s room, a huge pile of dirty laundry. He ate only a portion of the porridge (cooked from a special recipe) and said he had no energy to do the laundry. On that note, the post-holiday blues begun….

Many miles from work and home...

I am here in the Luberon region in Provence, France, with my husband, a million psychological miles away from work but never that far away from home. It has been raining since we arrived at Nice on Monday but that didn’t stop us from picking up our rental car and driving to Vence, our first stop. The walled city of Vence is spectacular from a distance; inside it’s quite touristy and full of traffic jams. The old city still has its charms though we quickly realised that driving on the right hand side of the road is not the problem; the very old and narrow village roads are! This is also our first trip where we did not have a proper map to guide us. We relied on an incomplete map from the car rental and on road signs most of the way, and don’t think that I wasn’t worried! But we made it and stopped at tourist offices to pick up maps on the way.

After a night in Vence, we drove almost eight hours through half a morning of rain through the Verdon district and onto Luberon. On the way, we saw the gorges of Verdon which reminded us of the Taroko gorge in Taiwan. The drive was more spectacular though. The roads were narrow and winding, and we slowly made our way to the top of the mountains and down again. On the way, we did not see many cars and often we were the only vehicle on the road for miles. Still, the views are breathtaking and spring has also brought verdant fields and colourful wildflowers. My husband declared that there is no bad scenery in Provence and I am inclined to agree with him. Many parts reminded me of England’s Cotswold region from the small country roads to the far flung villages.

Our bed and breakfast place near the village of Bonnieux is a peaceful hideaway, and blessed with a large garden and acres of vineyards and forest nearby. If we strained our ears, we can hear the sound of a motorcar or two. Otherwise it’s only the birds and the gentle hum of silence. We have just returned from driving around the villages and what is amazing is the way many houses were built into the side of the hills. The village Gordes is a good example and the view from just outside the village is more spectacular than what is in the village.

The food so far has been okay, but I think globalisation has ruined some things for me. At Comps-sur-Artuby, we stepped into a historical restaurant which has been operating since 1737 by the same Bain family and was immediately greeted by Coldplay music. Every meal I had here could be eaten in Singapore and I began to wonder what is special here apart from the olive paste, tapenade which not easily obtainable back home. I could be wrong though.

Also, my textbook French, or what is left of it has served me well so far. At least I can make out what’s on the French-only menu and make some basic inquiries and understand what is said to me. Alas, serious conversation eludes me though and it’s a good thing that more people speak English here than what I used to remember of France.

More sightseeing tomorrow. We’re keeping our fingers crossed for good weather. And then it’s on to Aix-en-Provence!

Remembering our loved ones...

It’s Ching Ming again and my sister rang last week to say she was travelling to Kota Bahru and Malacca to “sweep the graves”. These, of course, belong to the ancestors of her husband’s family and as the daughter –in-law, she has been doing this filial duty for years. I too will be visiting my father-in-law and other members of my husband’s family who have passed on. My brothers and their wives will be visiting my parents and grandparents. My sisters join them sometimes I think, but Ching Ming is traditionally a ritual that the males and their wives attend to.

I have often wondered why I have not gone back to do Ching Ming. It’s not because I don’t care for the people. And it’s not because I am female. In Malaysia, those who have passed on and who are dear to me include my parents and my paternal grandmother. My paternal grandfather passed on when I was a child, and while I remember him to be a doting grandfather who showered me with little treats, time has robbed me of other memories. My grandmother, on the other hand, lived with my family for many years, and I have many fond memories of doing things with her. Grandma was typical of the strong women of the “sei wui” dialect clan who are fiercely independent. She worked almost all her life and we all like to believe that the Cheah girls took after her. We loved her stories and her witty, sometimes bawdy jokes, but told in the “sei wui” dialect, they always sounded innocent to our young ears. Even though she has passed on for more than 20 years, I remember her clearly and fondly. And while I have not visited her grave since, I have always kept the memories of our days together alive by reliving these stories every now and then, and ever so often with my siblings when we get together. We still laugh ourselves silly over some of her witty remarks.

I thought of my parents too, this Ching Ming, while driving past the PIE and watching people burning joss papers at the cemeteries. My dad used to say that once you’re a parent, you’d always worry about your child, regardless of how old you are. I realise now, that as a child, once your parents are gone, you’ll never stop thinking about and missing them, no matter how old you are. Thinking about them makes me cry….

I remember my father in law too, especially when he was in good health. He used to enjoy travelling around by bus and going to the supermarkets to hunt for specials. And he used to bring me some specials every now and then, including his special dish, steamed carrot cake. We had a good relationship although he was not a talkative man. He also got on well with my father, and I remember how my concerned my father was when my father in law became ill. My father travelled to Singapore just to visit him.

I remember my father as a man with a generous spirit. When we were young and poor, this generous spirit was sometimes quite trying to my mum, but in later years, we began to see that he had always been consistent in his beliefs and actions regardless of circumstances. I used to think that I am not like my mum, an unassuming but practical woman, but in my old age, I have come to realise that I am ultimately my mother’s daughter. She and my grandmother are truly the strongest women I have ever known. Ever my father’s daughter, I was especially moved when my mum was unhesitatingly supported my decision to strike out on my own. She always had faith in me while I can only hope that I have not have let her down.

I miss the members of my family who have left us and I also miss my friends who have passed on- V and GS especially. V was always the irrepressible young man full of great ideas and fun. We used to walk home from the old NIE through the Botanic Gardens, and I often joked that I probably walked through the Gardens more times with him than with my dear husband. GS, another down to earth woman who left behind two beautiful daughters and a devoted husband, was one of the motherly women who took me under her wing when I was a young teacher. She too was full of life and energy, but cancer robbed her of this and eventually her life too.

Is it morbid to think of those who have left us? I don’t think so. Thinking of them keeps them alive in our hearts. Thinking of them leaves me sad, it’s true, but it’s better to be sad than to forget. So I don’t make it to the cemetery again this year. But even if I did, it wouldn’t make that much of a difference. The people we love will always remain in our hearts although they are long gone.

Ching Ming is a tradition that should remain with us. It reminds us to pause, even for a while, and remember the people we have loved and lost. I admire and appreciate those who take the trouble to trek to far flung places to visit their dearly departed. But I am also reminded that the best gifts we can give to those we love are our time and our attention. And the best time to do this is when they are with us.

Adventures on a Friday night

On Friday night, I went to dinner with two friends who were former students of mine. Over a hearty meal of Indian food at Serangoon Road, we shared news about our work and families. S and V are single hardworking professionals. I was their General Paper teacher way back some thirty years ago and since then we've kept up our friendship. They are fun girls and always have a store of the latest news and gossip to share with me. Over naan and curry, V mentioned that her friend was at the Tom Jones show then. S and I immediately perked up because we are also fans of Tom Jones (this information dates all the three of us I know, but I understand TJ now has young fans too) and we had all considered going to the concert. It was 8.30 already and V texted her friend who replied that TJ had just appeared on stage. So we decided there and then to drive down to the Resorts World to catch what we can of the rest of the show.

"Well, they always save the best for last," we reminded ourselves optimistically, hurrying over to V’s car.

Only S has been to the Resorts World so she navigated while V drove and before long, we were parked in the huge basement car park (2000 lots, I’m told). We were parked close to the venue and instinctively walked over to what looked like the convention centre. On the way, we asked for directions and once inside we headed towards what appears to be temporary counter and asked if there were any more tickets. Well, you all know what happened. Yes, the show was cancelled. No wonder the people we spoke to looked at us strangely! Well, it was just not meant to be.

We decided to look for a place to have some coffee instead but after wandering around, we could find no such place there. V suggested driving over to Keppel Island instead. I never knew there was a place called Keppel Island but it is a lovely site. There are a couple of restaurants and one can take in some lovely views of the marina and the Resorts World in Sentosa. We vetoed the walk around the marina and settled for some coffee, cake and a long chat.

I had a good time and had a chance to explore two new places. I would not have gone to the Resorts World on my own unless I have to take friends and family members. As for Keppel Island, it’s a great getaway for a quiet, even romantic meal. No, this is not my typical Friday. But it was a great way to end the week and a relief after spending the afternoon talking about verbs and verb forms! But the best part was, after all these 30 years, it’s good to know that my former students and I have been able to maintain a relationship that is both comfortable and enriching. We do genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Sometime in the discussion in between mouthfuls of lemon meringue pie, apple crumble and fruit tart, V said, “We get along because we have the same values.” And I guess she said it all.